


normality

by dottysballum



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Deaf Character, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23429251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dottysballum/pseuds/dottysballum
Summary: He had finally proved himself, finally been the son Phil Mitchell had always wanted, but one stupid freak accident had ripped it all away from him. So when Danny Hardcastle came to him with a new dodgy deal, what was he going to do? Say no?orBen's thought process behind Danny's return and the choices he made that week.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	normality

**Author's Note:**

> omg hello this is my first (and probably last) fic !!

He woke up in a bad mood. Of course he did, he's Ben Mitchell, but this was a different kind of bad mood. Having pity thrown his way 24/7 and his boyfriend constantly nagging him to learn sign language was going to take its toll eventually. He didn't want everyone to keep paying attention to the fact that he's deaf, because the truth is, he hadn't yet accepted it himself. He hadn't wanted to accept it. It made him weak again when his dad was finally starting to be proud of him. He had finally proved himself, finally been the son Phil Mitchell had always wanted, but one stupid freak accident had ripped it all away from him. So when Danny Hardcastle came to him with a new dodgy deal, what was he going to do? Say no?

Heading to the meeting at e20, Ben felt a mixture of nerves and excitement pool in his stomach. He never thought he'd be able to feel this thrill again, the thrill of solving his own problems by piling them onto an unsuspecting stranger. He lived an easy life, really. Get a bucket load of money for selling a few dodgy motors to strangers. Okay so when the police got involved it was far from ideal, but he always managed to get himself out of trouble. That's why he had to do this. He had to show people that he could still be strong, powerful even. He had to show people that being deaf didn't make him weak, didn't stop him from getting into trouble. But most of all, he had to show himself these things too. And if he's being honest, he just wanted to go back to normality.

Pretending to be able to hear was a lot harder than he realised. Quite frankly, he had no idea what was going on, he just wanted to _get on with it_. So when Callum arrived, he wasn't going to lie and say he didn't feel the slightest bit relieved. He was more confused than anything, though. Why was he here? How did he know Ben was here? Those were questions for later, however, because soon enough Danny was leading them over to a table and the meeting was _finally_ beginning.

The truth was going to come out in the end, Ben wasn't oblivious. He just didn't think it'd be _this_ soon. He especially didn't think it'd be because of Callum. Ben thought, well, more like assumed, the meeting was going well. But suddenly one of Danny's assistants was whispering in his ear and Callum was being constrained, arms held behind his back and shirt pulled tightly around his neck. So really, he had to tell the truth. He couldn't sit back and watch Callum take the hit for _his_ mess, couldn't sit back and watch him _hurt_ again. So yeah, he told the truth, and finally, the reality of the situation hit him.

Before he knew it, Callum was being released from the firm grip of Danny's assistants and the door was forcefully swinging shut. They'd left. This meant no deal. No power. Nothing. Everything was ruined, and it was all Callum's fault. So he told him that. Shouted and screamed until his voice was raw and Callum was fighting back. Deep down, Ben knew everything he said was completely unnecessary and Callum was only trying to help. Secretly he absolutely _adored_ it, but he was Ben Mitchell. He didn't need saving.

Release, that's what Ben needed. He needed a release, a way to escape reality and get that missing part of his life back. That familiar rush he felt when someone _wanted_ him. That familiar rush he felt when he knew he had someone wrapped around his finger. The albert was the first place that came to mind, so that's where he went. He had no intention of cheating on Callum, not at all, he just needed to know that being deaf didn't change the fact that he could get anyone he wanted with the click of a finger. But despite all of this, all he really wanted was to just go back to normality.

Hugo. A closet case, just going for the first man he saw whilst his wife was away. This would be easy, but Ben doesn't do easy. He always had to go and make things more complicated for himself. So when he set his eyes on the car keys, he knew what his next move was.

When he started the car, a well known buzz washed over him and he finally felt like _himself_ again. The delighted cheer fell naturally from his lips as he reversed, and god, how could he have ever given this up? It filled him with a newfound excitement, _adrenaline_. Knowing it was this easy, knowing that he could still have the power to take something away from someone after everything that'd been taken from him, it comforted him. It made him feel less alone. However, when the police pulled him over, he knew there was no point in lying to himself anymore. He was deaf, nothing could change that. He would never be able to hear the same again. He would never be able to go back to normality.

He knew Callum would be disappointed in him, and he knew that he'd been put through absolute hell the past few weeks, but when the words _do your worst_ escaped his lips, he didn't expect what he got in reply. He couldn't lose Callum, not again, not after everything else he's lost. So when he went to leave, Ben could do nothing but follow and grab him and hold him and just beg him to _wait_. He wanted to scream and cry and tell him to not give up on him, tell him that he'd change. But he couldn't give empty promises. He was always going to kick off and take it out on the person closest to him, it was just unfortunate that that person was Callum.

_Do I even cross your mind?_

He had no idea. Ben's head all day everyday was filled with _callumcallumcallum_. He wanted to plead and explain. Tell him that when he's with him he feels like he's drowning. He wanted to cry and shout from the rooftops that he's in love. That he's so so in love, _real and proper love, and it's beautiful_. But now was not the time, so instead broken apologies tumble from his lips and he's hitting the counter, just praying that Callum won't give up on him. Before he knows it, large soft hands are grabbing at his head and he's being pulled into the warmth that is so familiarly _Callum_. And if he could spend everyday like this, then maybe he didn't need to go back to normality.


End file.
